My girlfriend works for a beauty company. She doesn’t hate soccer. She’s far more ambivalent than that. I dragged her to the US soccer game. She actually enjoyed it but the next time I try to drag her, I think she’s going to dig in her heels. Even her beauty company wrote a World Cup piece on their website. Get the right nail polish to support your country in the World Cup!

It’s just common sense these days. When something is trending, you talk about it on your site so you can get clicks.

I hate Ann Coulter as much as any liberal but let’s remember she doesn’t have opinions, she has a filter. The filter is this: it’s the liberals/Demacrats fault for everything. This is how she gets articles. Pick a subject and look at it through the filter. Wanna try?

Babies

The problem with babies is that they don’t work. They want everything given to them like socialists and the NPR-listening liberals think they’re so soooo cute, these little moochers. “I can’t wait to raise them to eat right like Michelle Obama tells us!” Typical mindless liberal thinking: look at the baby while the fabric of our society crumbles.

Puppies

Liberals sure love their rescue dogs, don’t they? It’s perfect for them to inflate their already deluded egos. Leave it to a liberal to pat himself on the back for rescuing a puppy while ignoring our troops who protect our freedom.

Air

Liberals shouldn’t breathe. It would make the world a better place.

That last one was weak but you get it. She just needed a topic to riff on to say what she always says.

She didn’t say anything about the sport of soccer that my football coach math teacher said over twenty years ago. But, despite some weird asides about opposable thumbs and the metric system (we love the metric system?), her whole article is essentially pointless.  It tells us that soccer’s rising popularity is a sign of our nation’s moral decay but makes the point several times that soccer is not “catching on”. So, the rising popularity is a liberal conspiracy, also its popularity isn’t rising.

She makes her inflammatory statements and throws some more right-wing victimhood at us (“I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer”). Also, it’s 2014, it’s entirely possible that someone’s great grandfather was born here to Italian or Irish or German or Scandinavian or Chinese immigrants and is watching soccer.

This is what Ann Coulter does and, once again, the joke is on us because, when we pay attention to her, even to hate her, she wins. She gets more attention. She gets more clicks. She grows in popularity. I’m falling for it right now.

I have to give her credit, though. Writing about soccer right now is really savvy (not patting myself on the back, I swear). She didn’t hold off on writing about soccer for a decade “so as not to offend anyone”. She offends people for a living. The fact that she chose now to trot out her hack opinions about the sport is proof that its popularity is growing.

Coke cans have a World Cup trophy on them. Car commercials feature the World Cup. ESPN and ABC are featuring the games. Soccer has made it into our consciousness.

(Also, if you like my blog, could you forward it to a friend? I could really use the clicks.)